he looks like a really good dad on facebook
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
