Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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