8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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