Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
