Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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