We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
