i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
