i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
