did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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