Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
