I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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