You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can't talk, ducks in the car
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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