Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize