I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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