from now on my penis is your penis
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
