Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
