you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
