It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
