Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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