I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
