Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
