the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
