Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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