I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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