mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
