Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
