She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I cut my penus on the lid.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
