White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
