Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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