btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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