Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
