She is in my trunk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
