Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
