So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
