you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize