dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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