Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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