On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
