His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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