how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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