I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
