we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
