my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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