Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
