How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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