My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
