Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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