I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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