3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
