He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
