I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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