I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
