The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In other news, I just burned my penis
did you just send me my own nude
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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