Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have fence marks all over my body
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
