That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's blow job season.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
