i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
