So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
