We're facebook friends in real life
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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