We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
