I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this will be a night to untag.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
