i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
