Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
