My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
