Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
