Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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