Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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