the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
