yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
