Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
