I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
