I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
